i'm doing that thing again

...where i notice that even when i'm lying in bed, i'm holding myself up off the surface, muscles tight, shoulders high. poised to spring? to flee? to fall?

it's as if i expect the bed's not going to hold me up. as if, as one of my clients might say, "gravity might turn off. just because it didn't do that yesterday...."

i do this on the massage table, too.

i'm doing it right this minute.

for the 30 seconds it takes me to systematically, deliberately relax each part of my body, i sink into the mattress. as soon as my thoughts turn to something else -- vrrrrrrrrrrp! i'm reminded of the b kliban cartoon illustrating the Anti-Jump Muscles; one panel shows a business-suited man standing still, and is captioned "Flexed"; the other panel shows the guy leaping into the air with arms akimbo, and is captioned "Relaxed."

gods, i loved kliban. i couldn't find a copy of the anti-jump muscles cartoon, but this is along the same lines.