the impossibl(-y accurate) dream

just woke up from a nap, and a dream.

i was hanging out with a bunch of kids of different ages, not really babysitting but just hanging out with them. then water started rising in front of our house, and my sailboat broke loose from its moorings. i was trying to deal with that and i was kinda worried about the kids; i knew they were too young to help and i didn't want them in the way to maybe get hurt, so i told them to go play out back. i had to go in the house to get something but came running back out when i heard the sound of chain being dragged over asphalt.

i ran back outside to find my sailboat disappeared and the anchor chain leading around back. i followed the chain and saw all the kids on the boat trying to sail it down a flooded street. there wasn't enough water for them to be in any danger, but the boat was getting banged against parked cars and so forth.

i shouted after them to stop, to get out of the boat, but they were too far ahead to hear my voice. i started running after them and then they caught sight of me. they could see i was furious, and they scattered, leaving no one aboard and the boat now getting even more beat up, with no one at the helm.

my boat, my boat, my beautiful boat.

if i could save her at all, it was going to be terribly hard, and there was no one to help me try.

my heart was breaking, for the boat, for my friendship with the kids, for my aloneness.

a man with a kind, calm manner (papa winnicott, izzat you?) came up to me, assessed the situation, and asked, "how do you feel?" i said, "i'm so mad!" he said, "tell me in different words." i took a deep breath. "i don't trust them anymore. they are no longer welcome in my house. our friendship is over."

* * * * *

the people i work with are children. they don't *mean* any harm, but... they've been careless with my most precious possession. they've betrayed and hurt and disappointed me, been oblivious to my well-being, and left me alone to do something nearly impossible.

how is it that i keep finding my family, everywhere i go?

does transcendence lie in staying, or moving on?