recently repotted

jean likes to say, "if you're not pressing against your limits, they're closing in on you."

i've spent a lot of my life putting myself in too-small boxes: tolerating abusive relationships, staying underpaid and underemployed, and so forth. rather than press against my limits, i created these artificial walls. i wanted to feel held, i wanted to be enclosed, i thought that being able to touch one wall with each hand meant that i was safe. cymbidiums like a crowded pot.

but: comfort and safety aren't the same thing.

now that i find myself with dream job, appreciative boss, supportive colleagues, good therapist, respectful friends, big house, grownup housemate/partner -- it's a bit vertiginous. how do i know where the edges are? there's so much *space* around me now.